don’t know why i don’t write very often-just forget with work and being in front of this all day.
went to les duex this eve with jg and shelly..fun..mellow for me-even though it was packed.
dk was there.
lel ‘s dad is in a coma-had a very bad motorcycle accident and lel was at the hospital all day-met him at swingers later- feel so sad for him-describing the dynamic of being in the hospital and stuff made me really sad about my dad.i wonder what it would be like if my dad was alive now- would he be down here visiting me alot?
would mom be sober?
weird to think about that.
i still think about L sometimes- a year ago now (?) we were spending sooo much time together- what a fucking cool period that was.
i realize , now, that what i loved about it was having someone see me…really see me.
and spending so much time talking with another person who wasn’t related to my LA life- felt like i had known him forever..or something.
hmm.weird life.

i’ve begun a process in my life of letting go of soo much shit and i am just realizing it, now. i feel like i want to down size even more- i purged all my excess shit form my house this weekend and have purged so much else over the last few months- feels clean and easy right now.
my life, that is.-no car -no relationship-(of the romantic variety)
wild . i am totally free of this strain and social maintainence i used to feel.
fantisizing alot about being away on a tropical island ..